Read this article and then hit “Back.” I’ll wait.

….

Welcome back. I know that is just the stupidest way to start a blog entry, but you’ll have to forgive me, I was a bit irked at that article. It is supposed to be a suggestion to Google, I guess, because it does end on a favorable note. But seriously, there was one thing that upset me about it:

Larva’s Matt Hall attributes this poor performance in part to Android’s shoddy App purchase flow. Unlike the iPhone’s integrated App Store, Android Market doesn’t have screenshots of apps, forces you into the browser at times, makes you use Google Checkout, has some unintuitive navigation issues, and a handful of other problems. These issues are widely known — you’d be hard pressed to find anyone who thinks the purchase process is as smooth as it is on the iPhone — but they’ve been around for quite a while.

What’s wrong with Google Checkout? It has improved a ton in the three years it’s existed, and comparing a fully functional multi-way transaction system with a simple dedicated merchant site is just silly. You can tie in Google Checkout with your Adsense/Adwords account, you can use it to sell shit online. iTunes is just a money hole..real tough to get right in six years.

Furthermore, the Android Market does not really exist anywhere that’s visible on a non-phone platform. Yeah, there’s the site, but that’s not at all what the market really looks like. The iPhone app store has iTunes, which extends the App Store’s sphere of influence into the desktop OS realm.

Also…I don’t know if you’ve ever spent a great deal of time shopping for apps directly on an iPhone, but if you pick up your iPhone or iPod right now and look at an app’s dedicated site…just pick one at random, it doesn’t matter.

Okay, what’s missing from the first page that is FRONT AND CENTER in the Android Market?

User reviews.

And you wonder why this developer sold more in the iTunes App Store? People are sold by the description and the screenshots. They have to click over to another page to read user reviews. The Android Market, meanwhile has user reviews right up front…however nescient they may be. Developers have to deal with the idiot masses right out of the gate, people who wouldn’t know open source from a third degree burn.

Actual front page review of Larva Labs’ Retro Defence: “Good, but not worth $5.00″

Look around elsewhere. Notice that customer reviews are almost always put at the bottom or on other pages? No wonder you’re not selling as much as you could.

And as for “unintuitive navigation features” that this guy is talking about, I have no idea. I’ve never found myself wildly floundering for direction in the Android Market. Games and Productivity apps are separate. You can see them by popularity or by date uploaded…click on the one you want to look at and then click “buy” then hit “ok.” It’s not fucking celtic runes, get over it.

I absolutely agree that the Android Market is not perfect. The first thing I’d change is the white on black color scheme*. No sites designed for consumption on a phone should do that, it makes the screen reflective and harder to read (see: Mirror app.) I also agree that screenshots are needed to entice buyers.

But criticizing it for Google Checkout is completely dumb. iTunes is not a bank, PayPal is not a bank, so they’re all about equally vulnerable. I won’t even get started about basing an assessment of the Android Market’s prosperity on the FIFTH PLACE company. You can’t base ANYTHING on that. At least if we contacted the top seller, you could set a ceiling. Come on.

You can’t tell me how long a race lasted by the fifth and twelfth place contestants. You can’t even tell me if it was good.

*According to CNet today, this is already in the works.